I do not want my daughter to “be” a princess, in any sense of the word. I don’t want her to love princesses or aspire to princessy aesthetics. I don’t want her to be obsessed with wearing pink, or any of the other trappings of princesses and femininity.
Little girls go for princesses largely because that’s the image that is presented to them as the ideal of femininity. Around the time when they learn about gender differences and begin to understand that they are female (if this be the case, not all people are born into the right body), they are vulnerable to the heavy-handed marketing of toy companies that manufacture and perpetuate a highly genderised childhood. (More shit to sell if your market is divided in two halves. God forbid a girl and boy child play with the same toys.) What is marketed and sold to girls is princesses.
What does the “princess” stand for? Some associations …
Royalty – ie elevated status without accomplishment
Wealth (inherited)
Being waited upon
Being beautiful
Being elaborately and unpractically dressed
Waiting for a man to come, being adored by this man
And over and above all, upholding the ideals of femininity (a princess is beautiful and genteel at all times)
Why do little girls embrace the princess archetype? Perhaps because a princess is special. She is special and beautiful and revered by all. I think we can teach girls they can be special through other means. Or even that there’s actually no need to be “special” at all. Being average is fine.
What is not associated with being a princess:
Skills
Opinions
Living a meaningful life
Contributing to humanity
Being thoughtful about the consequences of your lifestyle
Swearing
Thinking outside the box
Subverting the dominant paradigm
Being creative
Being resourceful
Choosing who you want to be and how you want to live your life based on a considered and informed assessment of the possibilities before you
These are some qualities I can get behind.
I don’t like this whole little girl princess phenomenon and I want nothing to do with it. I will do all I can to raise my daughter to hate princesses as much as I do. Instead I am going to influence her to be more like Prince.
vs
LOLZ. love it betty.
thanks nanoo
its so funny cause mine got a ‘princess’ sash from rae spoon at a show, and i encourage her to wear it, and be so proud of it. its really interesting for me to look at the ways my parenting has changed since my kid came out as trans, going from ‘you are not the king of the world’, to ‘totally you are a princess’. it makes a bit of sense, but not much. the raising of girls is ridiculously complicated
What about princesses in Miyazaki films? There are pretty powerful/positive female role models in Princess Mononoke and Nausicaa Of The Valley Of The Wind.
Kellie – yeah totally complicated. you are right to say “it makes a bit of sense, but not much”! Does it feel weird to promote female gender norms when you have a trans kid? I’m sure you would not do it if your kid was biologically female (sorry if that is the wrong term)… would love to have a lengthy conversation about this with you. I’m sure you’ve got lots of thoughts.
Alex – yeah, I am not personally familiar with the Japanese princesses, but I suspected that is the case. It’s a point worth making. I guess I am mostly referring to the western princess tradition. the meaning of “princess” in our culture generally doesn’t conjure images of “warrior”, unforch.